The Saints 

Band Profiles

Andy Faulkner:guitar

Famous guitar dwarf puppet resides in north London whilst simultaneously inhabiting several galaxies and stella systems
Andy plays a Les Paul copy made by his granny and has a large cardboard box filled with bananas in his rucksack
Andy uses an amplifier and has strings attached to his trousers
which consequently never fall down
He is also in lots of other groups but I don`t know what they are called but they are all very good and nice.....
Just like Andy
His favourite colour is khaki
He likes to wear clothes and his favourite fabric is corduroy(khaki of course!)
He has a panda
...actually it`s a golf
He always says no to drugs
unless he wants some
(which is all the time)
Andy is very nice
no definitely.......
Marty Bjerregaard:drums & mountain bike

Marty is a very big and lovely boy
He likes to drink milk
and eat lots of cake for breakfast
His middle name is Carlsberg
He doesn`t own a panda
but sometimes he borrows Andy`s
He doesn't realise that it`s a golf
He also plays drums very nicely
and has a video game in his trousers
Marty`s favourite colour is beer
His favourite fabric is rubber(provided that the tread is good)
His favourite actor is "Captain Fist"
He is also every bit as nice as Andy

Michael Bayliss:bass
aka:Caca Boudin

Michael is Captain Fist
his bass is called Cheryl
she lives in Essex
He doesn't own a panda but is often seen in Andy`s
Michael lives noisily in South London with Eva the love ewe
He is nearly as nice as Marty and Andy especially on weekends
His hobbies include Eva the love ewe and cramming horses heads up his bottom (other peoples actually)
He has a large collection of snorkels
Mike`s favourite fabric is sheepskin (preferably on the hoof)
Mike also plays in gay death metal band MOX MOX
He is also a fixture - & fits in rather well - in the fabulous futuristic goth rock queens...The BANGKOK LADY BOYS
He has a Dick Porter
He also plays tuba in the radical lesbian collective "Grunter"
& believes that Peckham is the centre of the universe
He suffers from the delusion that he is the crowned queen of "FATROCK".....(maybe?)
Chris Bailey:vocals & guitar

Chris is not a pot plant
which confuses Andy
In his spare time
he manages a mobile rubber disco
and is on good terms with Eva the love ewe
which Michael doesn't know about
On alternate weekends he is nearly as nice as Andy & Marty & Michael
He lives around the corner
which is very handy
Chris likes to say no to drugs
except when Andy wants some
then of course it`s perfectly OK
His favourite fabric is Cheryl
Mike doesn't know about this either..!
His hobbies include his favorite colour and go go dancing

Peter Wilkinson : He does drum...

The man who does drum...

& is he most recent addition to the illustrious legion of wankers that we have come to know & love as The Saints.

Yes he is....!!

Peter ( or the ginger twat, as he is known to his buddy ) is currently well oiled & recording the latest opus with the other frock wearing laddies of the group.

Peter's story is so tragic that we are not going to tell you what it is......

Suffice to say the dear boy is very lovely.

He has a pet Badger that doesn't do drum, but satisfies Peter's animal bits. He is a commited ECO worrier & also works as a waitress in the MI5 canteen.

His previous gigs have seen him for what he is which is why he is now a Saint.

Hee Hee the title of Pete's current film project. It is a tasteful tale of love & lust in the farmyard featuring a bevy of beautiful belles & starring Enrico the donkey.

He is also enjoying a torrid, lusty but awfully manly dalliance with Andy & Stella. Pictures of which will be available soon....

He has been had by Dick Porter, which really pissed Michael off, which of course made Chris so deliriously happy that Peter is currently " best boy " of the group.

He also doubles as " cabin boy " & it is day 53..............!!!!!

Caspar Wijnberg

Caspar's story was written in Serbian so it is a bit difficult to translate
suffice to say it is a very interesting one with lot's of pictures
his hobbies include himself and anyone else that happens to be handy
He is very clever which makes him stand out from other saints
He is also popular with girls
He plays the very big guitar (another reason for his popularity with la femme)
He doesn't have a car but does have an extremely speedy bicycle
He is set for a starring role in Peter's new cinema epic playing the part of Enrico following the demise of the unfortunate beast
Apart from eating and drinking Caspar is often sort after for his engineering skills and no doubt will be building a viaduct somewhere in your neighbourhood soon

He is also a popular rap act

New CD